Monday, September 25, 2006

Impacting lives

As part of our program here, we are required to participate in the EfM (Education for Ministry) class at Church of the Resurrection (the church that sponsors our program -- we live next door to that church). Education for Ministry is a kind of "div school lite" program for lay people in the Episcopal Church, with curriculum materials provided by The University of the South (Sewanee) in Tennessee, where there is also an Episcopal seminary.

The course meets on Monday nights from 7-10 p.m., so we had a meeting tonight. The folks from Church of the Resurrection are in the second year of the program, which is studying the New Testament, so Denise (the other Resurrection House intern) and I joined in on the second year, even though we haven't taken the first year (which is the Old Testament, as you might guess). At the meetings, we discuss the readings for the week, which give history and context to the scriptures, and then have time for "theological reflection" and sharing our own spiritual journeys. Right now they have us doing something called "stepping stones," where we are to write about our life's journey in terms of "stepping stones" -- what are the significant events and/or periods of time in our lives that led us to be the person we are today? Each week, different members of the course will share some of their stepping stones with the rest of us.

Tonight, a rather soft-spoken and gentle middle-aged woman shared some of her story with us. She wanted to go near the beginning of the course because she will be leaving us before the year is over; she and her family are currently in the process of selling their house and will be moving to be close to some family member of hers who is very ill. I can't remember all the details, but I know she has lost some family members recently and there are all kinds of illnesses and other issues affecting her family and friends right now. Part of the exercise was to write about the "present period" of your life and what the characteristics of it are and so forth, and she said that she couldn't even do this part of the excercise because it was too painful. And yet she shows up every week for class with a smile on her face and is eager to continue learning as long as she can.

I was sitting next to her at the table as she read from her prepared "script" to the rest of us about several of her "stepping stones" -- culminating in her joining the Church of the Resurrection a few years ago. She spoke beautifully about how the "road" of her journey was in disrepair, with many cracks and potholes, when she first came to Resurrection, and how the community there had ministered to her and helped her find comfort in her faith. She spoke very highly of Mother Judi, the rector at Church of the Resurrection, saying some very beautiful things -- Mother Judi "sees the light of Christ in me and inspires me to see it in others," she said. She said something about how coming to the Church of the Resurrection, she feels like she has really encountered Christ when she listens to Mother Judi preach and when she shares in the Eucharist at the table. I'm not doing her words justice here, but it was really beautiful.

And I just sat there having to pinch the insides of my arms to keep from crying, simply overcome by the beauty of what this woman was witnessing to -- the impact one person can have on another's life, and the immense privilege of being able to share the love of Christ with others. I thought about how amazingly powerful and deeply meaningful and significant it is to serve that role (minister) in someone's life, whether ordained or not. But I was also struck by the special significance of the minister in this particular situation... I mean, with the authority that an ordained person carries, speaking to others about their value in Christ, assuring others that the light of Christ shines within them, for some people may have more weight coming from a priest than if a non-ordained person says it. It is certainly a position of power and authority that can be abused, but it can also be incredibly live-giving.

Or maybe it's not that aspect that struck me as significant about the priesthood; it's just the privilege of being able to live an entire life focused on this kind of explicit "ministry," rather than the other types of "broadly defined" ministries that may or may not directly involve discussion of religion and faith -- teaching, working in a food pantry, social services work, etc.

Or perhaps it's the accountability of being an ordained person -- you're going to think twice about your actions and your attitude when you're wearing the collar, because you know you're representing the faith to others. You can't just fade into the woodwork and not respond to the needs you see in front of you, because you are an ordained and VISIBLY accountable minister of Christ in the world. I now think I am beginning to understand the spiritual significance of other faiths that require outward and visible signs of the faith from their followers, from the Sikh turban to the Muslim hijab (headscarf).

In the Resurrection House program, they're up front about the fact that they don't expect that everyone who goes through this program will seek ordination at the end of this year. Of course they want us to consider it, but it is not EXPECTED that that is the conclusion we will come to. They obviously can't know what God is calling us to. The program is to help us discern what our "ministry" is, and this may or may not be ordained. My "ministry" could be teaching high school English. But, if that were the case, I would not be able to talk about faith as explicitly as I could if I were an ordained minister. I could still be involved in the church and so forth, but my very JOB would not explicitly be about discussing faith and "ministering" to people in the traditional sense. I might feel that my teaching and mentoring these adolescents was a way to serve God, and no doubt it would be, but I'm trying to figure out if I would feel most fulfilled in a job where I was dealing more explicitly with faith on a day to day basis.

Speaking of teaching, it is significant that the woman sharing her story tonight also mentioned a comment from one of her high school teachers as a very significant part of her life, a comment her teacher had made about how her caring spirit and personality would touch the lives of all who she encounters. She said that on the days when she feels she is not being the most effective or making much of a difference in the world, she always remembers her teacher's words to her when someone will say, "you really brightened my day," or "thanks for making me laugh." That, too, nearly brought tears to my eyes as I thought about the very deep and profound impact teachers can have on their students' lives, even as those students grow up and become adults with families and very complex lives... something a teacher said when you were 12 or 16 can still stick with you for the rest of your life. There is truly amazing potential to impact lives through teaching as well.

I have some experience with teaching, through my student teaching experience, but I am only just now beginning to explore what it would be like to be a minister (or rather, a priest. I guess I better start getting used to being all "high church" if I'm going to stick with this Episcopalian thing!) I get to "try on" this role for the next 9 months (I've already started "vesting up" and wearing my liturgical robes during the services -- which, I have to tell you, is tons of fun. I should write an entry soon just on the robes.) Leading worship, going to diocesan events, visiting elderly parishoners in nursing homes, visiting people on their death beds in the hospitals, helping teach the high school Sunday School class, proofreading the bulletin for typos... there are all KINDS of things involved in this job. There's always something different to be done each day, which so far I think I really like... but it's only been two weeks that I've been at this church! We'll see what I'll think in a few months! But all I know is that I've already realized even more deeply the profound impact a priest can have on someone's life, and that has drawn me in, has "hooked" me for the ride I'm about to undertake.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

A space for reflection

Hi everyone.... I've created this new blog just for recording my personal reflections on the vocational discernment process that I'll be undergoing in the Resurrection House program this year.